Hallowe'en

I didn't really do the whole Hallowe'en thing this year. I mostly restricted my scaring people to the Saturday before it when I wandered around Dublin city centre wearing a hot pink Led Zeppelin tshirt. Which in itself was worth doing.

Though this year was my first Hallowe'en in a city. It was like Chechnya. Explosions, fires, shouting, constant noise, people running around everywhere. Bedlam. I loved it.

What I thought was great was the sudden decision of the Minister for Justice to raise the penalty for carrying fireworks (I know, it's illegal in Ireland. What kind of sick, twisted country is this?) from €6 to €10000. That's not including the possible 5 year prison sentence. Anyone who thinks this is a bit extreme put their hands up. Everyone? Thought so.

Everywhere else in the world is on the lookout for dangerous terrorists, the best we can do is imprison 15 year olds who want to have a bit of fun. All you have to do is control the fireworks. I mean, the British allow the good people of Northern Ireland fireworks for Hallowe'en. Most other times they're trying to take any remotely dangerous explosives away from that general area. I love fireworks. I want them now.

Other things my government won't let me have: Magic mushrooms. Now that's just ridiculous. One chap dies after jumping off a building after taking them (alongside copious amounts of alcohol and possibly other drugs) and they're banned. Following that reasoning, ban tobacco and alcohol too. They've killed far more people.

Broadband. In my Kilkenny home. Almost nationwide coverage my arse. If you hadn't sold the national provider to the Australians you might even be able to do something about it.

Fun. As soon as Anti-Social Behaviour Orders come in (which I'm sure they will), people are going to be reprimanded for things that aren't even crimes. In Britain one man was given an ASBO for being sarcastic to his neighbours. If he does it again he'll be arrested. Deadly. Suddenly everything's a punishable offence!

Hoodies. Well at least not in shops. Not that the security guards don't eye me suspiciously every time I go in anyway. I could go in wearing a lycra body suit and they'd still think I was attempting to steal goods and hide them on my personnage. And I'm no fan of body cavity searches.

Basically what I'm saying here is that I want fireworks (and magic mushrooms) and I think it's a travesty that I can't have them. That is all.